There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
