it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
