he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
