you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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