Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
