its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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