i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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