Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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