Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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