she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
