I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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