I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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