My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
