Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
