I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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