oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
