just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
