i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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