I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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