Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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