So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
