she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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