my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
