My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
