kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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