help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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