There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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