I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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