i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
