My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
