I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
