While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
