I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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