Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
