ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FUCK WHALES
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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