The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
