so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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