And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
