I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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