i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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