if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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