and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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