God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
