I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
