Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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