...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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