Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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