True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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