i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
