You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
