I just cut my nipple shaving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
