so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
