He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
