just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
