We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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