I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
