god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
