So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
