Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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