Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm at about main and main street
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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