I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
