His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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