If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
