How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
