I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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