They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
