Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
