I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
