Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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