Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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