Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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