when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
