I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
